i think I'm crazy

Mr. Burns

2010-10-06T14:07:00.000-07:00

I really like Cuddy and House together. For reals.

I love how Brave the internet makes me!

2010-10-04T16:11:00.000-07:00

Technically I can say anything right now on this webpage of scarce readers. But do to my high level of tact, and respect, which many lack when entering into the world of text, I choose to only state an opinion. I would not say anything on here I wouldn't in real life. But only few would be able to say that. With levels of online bullying and confrontation raising in numbers, the integrity and courage of normal human interaction is slowly leaving. There has been so many times when people get a sudden burst of bravery behind a computer screen, and wrote me rude messages because they think that they are safe behind their words. I just have one word describing those who are unable to communicate issues in person; coward. Who knows how many disputes can be solved or avoided with a simple phone call. Communicating through text is just too unreliable. You don't know what the other's tone is, or how excited, or lethargic they truly are. It promotes dishonesty. Yet we also become too honest through text. Remember, communicating through text is not effective.

People who look like animals

2010-09-30T09:49:00.000-07:00

I love it when I come across someone who resembles an animal.

People say I look like a bird. —————————————> me

But I'm a beautiful bird.

I know someone who looks like an ape, but they aren't black. They actually carry a shocking resemblance of Nintendo's Donkey Kong. I can't really post a pic, they might see.

This is my dad. He looks like a deer. Or is he eating a deer.

I especially like it when I meet people who look like mice, or a horse. It really gives you a lot to talk about when that person isn't around. Then you can use crappy slang like, "horse face." It's not even comical but it gets everyone going.

The one waving is my son. He sorta resembles some sort of bulldog canine species. But, he looks more human than anything.

That sums it up, if you know anyone who looks like an animal, send me pics and I'll post em with my opinion of what animal they look like!

When the log rolls we all shall die!!

2010-08-19T21:18:00.000-07:00

I have bathroom anxiety. I have been unable to make a good bowel movement since I moved in with my mom, and yesterday I worked more 16 hours in a place with uncomfortable bathroom facilities; therefore holding 90% of the deification for longer than 16 hours; henceforth, my stomach hurts today. I've tried solving the problem by running water while going. But since the house is all wood floor, any sound coming from a tile filled room(the bathroom), can and will echo. So rather than just using the faucet noise to ease my anxiety of someone hearing me, I think, "I know, I'll turn the shower on." But that wouldn't work. I would just come out of the bathroom, with my mom sitting in her room, like she is always doing, and would ask, "did you take a shower?" (no privacy) I now try to wait at night while everyone is asleep. But there is another problem. I'm so tired, I CAN'T GO! Ay yi yi. If anyone has suggestions please help!

Let's all step on bugs.

2010-06-18T09:23:00.000-07:00

I am plummeting through an endless abyss of sugar covered friends with a bitter middle, and two long, gross, scaly feelers to detect ways to nibble away at someone's spirit leaving them bare boned, tired, and vulnerable. I fancy to lower my balancing features at the end of my legs onto their frail bodies. Their protection from a higher power is as strong as their commitment to their obedience to their baptismal covenants; weak. Therefore if I stomp on those little creatures, they will splatter and squish to the bottom of my sole, powerless yet again. I wait for redemption, for the moment they will fall into the same abyss that I was shoved into, and come to an epiphany. That they might know that those sick little feelers on top of the large heads, picking away at spirits and engaging in the devil's snare, are poison to their own spirits. They poison themselves.

Senility is Bliss

2010-06-17T11:12:00.000-07:00

Life's harsh endeavors can add up resulting in physical ailments, and an unstable mental state. I have witnessed the toll the experiences my grandma endured throughout her life through her senile tendencies. She often wakes up late at night asking where her cats are, and if they ran away when I went out the front door. The best question I got this past week was, "who ate all my cookies?" I hadn't eaten any, and my mom stated she only had a few. Obviously Grandma ate the cookies and forgot. Things get weird when she starts to yell at you across the hall, while she is still laying in bed, "Why are you shutting your door?!" Her senile moments can wear away at one's patience, and increase irritability in the home. But, I am now realizing how comical it really is. Some old lady, yelling about losing her cats. It's the typical cliche old lady behavior!

All in all I think there is a lesson to be learned here. Take care of your mind, and body. Turn to Heavenly Father in times of anxiety, and follow the Word of Wisdom. I am a firm believer through the examples of the adult advisors in my ward, and their healthy minds and bodies, that these things will prolong your physical health and decrease chances for senility. :)

BOO YAW WORLD!

2010-06-11T00:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, So. Heavenly Father has once again expressed his OH SO WONDERFUL tender mercies. Here are a list of blessing that I have received. Some may say they are merely coincidences, but I certainly THINK NOT.

1. Grades were posted, I got a B in anatomy. (how does that happen when the only time I studied was in class, but then I really only talked the whole time.)

2. I cashed in all my coins. I am now $150.00 dollars richer when I needed it the most! (Something just told me to coinstar those suckers!)

3. All my friends seem to be friends again. (Some upper force of nature)

4. Some tree farm try to sucker me out of $600 for trees for my wedding. Well, the Ebay stars aligned and I got them all for $200, and I can sell those suckers back! (In your face over priced tree farm!)

5. I got my temple recommend today! (I will now join forces with all the other endowed fellers, oh an BE SEALED TO THE HOTTEST GUY EVERR!)

Man, those are like 5 pretty big and obvious tender mercies. I can't wait till those trees come in the mail...OH! and those trees were FREE SHIPPING! (double whammie right there) I mean come on, who gets THIS lucky...Something tells me I am meant to marry Jethro.

I have a healthy obsession

2010-06-02T01:46:00.001-07:00

I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLEI LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE I LOVE JETHRO ASTLE

Bill drama and my dream house

2010-04-15T16:32:00.000-07:00

I watched a movie once saying girls like drama. And as I was watching it I kept telling myself, "not me." But it's soo true!! He mainly mentioned girls waiting till the very last day to pay bills so when they do have to play them they are running around like a MAD woman trying to get everything in order!!!! *breath*

I totally do the same thing! My bills are due the 17th, and here it is the...15th. Two more days to take care of business, yet...even though I have time to write a meaningless blog that only naysayers will read, I will wait till the last minute to pay the bills! In a nut shell, drama is inevitable!

Oh and I would love it if I had a money house...or money stuffed in the walls of my house. "There's always money in the banana stand!" Or in this case...the house....

All you need is love

2010-04-14T19:32:00.001-07:00

I never knew people actually read this till today..I got quite a positive response. None having to do with the content within the blog itself, but nonetheless, there are readers!! :)

Here is a question for response. What does it mean to be a "joke." I've used this term many times as an adjective for unfavorable people in my life, but I never really pondered on what it meant till I was called it.

Perhaps it means no one is able to take me seriously. I already knew that. But that is only the faults of the foolishness of the minds permeated by idiocy and no desire to think for themselves. I never blame the ignorant.

Now is being ignorant being a joke? Because if that is so, then I am far from a joke. Although I have yet to obtain knowledge in many aspects of this world, I feel my understanding of that point alone proves I am not a joke. But, I still don't know what a joke is. That's okay.

All I know is that my life is wonderful.. Although there may be a few people who find me...unfavorable, I have my family, my finacee, my best friend and the gospel. Those who don't have those, which there are plenty, should recognize that they too can achieve happiness, but not through other's misery.

Bullys

2010-04-13T00:58:00.000-07:00

I have found the real life "mean girls." Their very existence embodies the crucifiers, and persecutors of Christ, the Lamanites, the German Nazis, Regina George and any other cruel people who played a role in ostracizing someone. I never knew someone could publicly make fun without remorse. Why? That's my only question. I'm tired, and sad. That is all.

Great Scott!!

2010-01-27T12:35:00.000-08:00

As I embark on a new chapter in my life, I find many interruptions trying to flit me away from my final destination. I say , "LEAVE ME ALONE!" Arg. I wish I could just sail away on the black pearl and become Captain Jack Sparrows crew member. Maybe become head of an ant colony and help fight off the evil grasshoppers who eat all our food. Or even better, I would like to become part of the infamous vampire world that Bella Swan is so fortunately apart of, and I would snatch up one of those vampires have them transform me and bada bing, everyone leaves me ALONE! Except, I would also transform another certain someone. Hmmm, like i said, "i think I'm crazy."

Gay

2009-12-24T23:55:00.001-08:00

Why does is always have to come down to money. stupid world.

Umm...Awkward

2009-08-09T21:14:00.000-07:00

First and foremost, it would be appropriate to explain that I create awkward situations. Usually it's intentional and sometimes it's just me being my weird and awkward self.

A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to visit Utah with my very dear friend and her wonderful family. We stayed in Heber, and camped for a few days then retreated back to Provo. During our stay in Provo my friend and I slept at her older brother's apartment, just right underneath her sister's apartment. I was a bit excited at the thought my friend's brother had a roommate and there could be a good chance he was single, and good-looking. When the roommate and myself were introduced, he proceeded to fill me in about his dating experiences. Actually, he explained in depth, his dating experience...hm..

Anyways, the next day we all stayed in at night and watched Knowing. (terrible movie by the way) During which, I was sitting next to the roommate, and I received a text message saying "Touch Jeff's Leg." I giggled. Then I put my hand to use. I rubbed the roommates leg. Then he did it back.... Uuuuuuuu yea. I sat on the couch next to this almost stranger almost as if I had died and the rigor mortis had already set in. He continued to tickle my hip even though I was obviously uncomfortable. A nervous laugh was all I could conjure up. I didn't think he'd do it back!

It gets better. The next day when the roommate spoke of the experience, he accused me of flirting with him. I automatically defended my case and pleaded not-guilty to his rash remark. Then he said, "You're right. You rubbed my leg! That's like worse than flirting!" So even though the leg rubbing wasn't favorable in my case, according to him it was a terrible thing....Sheese! I didn't think I was THAT bad!

Current Aggravation

2009-06-30T09:52:00.000-07:00

PEMDAS can SUCK IT! Along with real number, integers and stupid negative signs. Who has two thumbs and hates order of operations?! This girl! *points to self with thumbs*

-4(3-5÷(-2))(5+8)² = ☹

2009-06-11T12:24:00.000-07:00

This is what I have succumbed to. I have morphed into a hermit crab. Almost literally. My hermitage and atrocious sanctuary has my company for hours on in while I remain to be a fearsome sight to behold. I need a life.

A Request

2009-06-09T01:08:00.000-07:00

Cam Gigandet

I forgot who this was then I googled him. Mmmmm. I remember when I first witnessed his rebellious fasaud and rendered myself irrevocably attracted to men who drink a perception altering beverage and have a six pack from strenuous fighting and late night, one night stands. Then he appeared again as yet another supervillan, but unfortunately lost a battle. A battle where love prevailed against the drive for blood and murder.

I wonder if he is actually nice in person?

There ya go Tristen. A blog dedicated to James! Baahahah!

Dead Like Me

2009-06-09T00:58:00.000-07:00

Morality is a blessing! Thank Adam for death.

Today I was watching a HBO series titled "Dead Like Me." If you didn't get the theme of the show from the title, let me further explain. A girl of 18 dies and a freak toilet seat accident revealing the shows take on mysteries of the after life. Her first acquaintances as her soul leaves her body are two grim reapers. Not the ugly, morbidly skeletal ones, but people-looking ones. These grim reapers give the girl tasks until she graduates from just a spirit to an undead grim reaper herself. Then I related it to the plan of salvation. In my own personal thoughts, (feel free to disagree) the state of life, or after-life, that the young woman was in would be equivalent to the telestrial kingdom. The girl was on Earth but with different privileges. So all in all, the telestrial kingdom is pretty much Earth but you get to wander around as an undead thing stealing from the dead and getting rich on others misfortunes all because there are no real consequences. Cool huh? NOT! I STILL want to go to the celestial kingdom! LAAAAAA!!

Dating SUCKS

2009-06-04T23:18:00.000-07:00

First and foremost, dating is a game. And in games someone always loses. The goal is now to make it a tie. That means to let the person take a lead and come in strong when you realize you're falling behind, or come in strong and the other person catch up. But it's too difficult to get to an even placement.

For instance, when you are newly procuring a fine-looker, if you call too much they person will think you are obsessed and might potentially frighten them away. Or...may not call enough which leads to your name in the wandering abyss of their busy social life and they move on to better things. But what is enough and not enough? I don't think I'll ever know.

If you finally get past the "talking" stage or whatever that awkward getting-to-know-each-other phase is called, the feelings thing comes up way too soon. And someone always likes someone more. And then the heavy feeler will say something dumb like, "I like you," or even dumber like, "can you see us together in the future?" Then someone gets rejected and they sayer feels like an idiot. But then sometimes someone will wait too long to say anything. And then someone will be accused of not communicating. But why would someone want to communicate when they don't know when too soon is?

All too often it ends after the feelings thing comes up. I would be better off with brutal honesty. Phrases such as: "Listen, I think you're hot but I only want to make-out." or, "Hey I want to get married so I'm in it to win it," would be amazing. Send the open ones my way!

Black kids are funny...

2009-05-19T22:13:00.000-07:00

I work as a music teacher in a after school program, for an elementary school in bellflower. I think the ethnic percentage is somewhere between 70% hispanic and the rest black. There might be a white kid or a red head somewhere in the mix. Those are rare. Anyways, often while i am giving a lesson on piano theory to the 3rd and 4th graders, someone will raise their hand and tell me a ridiculous story, having nothing to do with the lesson. (I have learned patients with this job) One day this black 3rd grade student raises his hand.

"Yes Lawrence, do you have a question?"

"My dad said when I grow up I'm going to be a Canadian." This clearly was not a question. But I couldn't leave this statement alone.

"But you are American. Why do you want to be Canadian?"

"NO...No...a CA-NA-DI-AN." He pronounced it extra clear.

"I know what you are saying, but what is in Canada?" I still didn't get the point.

"No, no, no. I mean the Canadians that tell people jokes and they are funny."

He meant comedian....

Childhood memory.

2009-02-15T00:39:00.000-08:00

I was a tortured soul always bored with my existence, gaining petulance for life with every mundane detail I, unfortunately, observed. I grasped on to such fantasies such at gargoyles, princesses and mystical creatures that dwelt in the midst of a fanciful forest. I longed for the surreal to become my reality. Holidays were also a relief for the ruts of life. Ideas of the Easter Bunny and Santa Clause were favorable and much believed in my childhood. Having no evidence of the great supernatural being an non-fictional part of life I was steadfast in my faith that there was something superlative about life that lied deep within the mysteries of the world and only made known to those who seek it most persistently. I set forth a goal to make myself known to the unknown.

Dwelling on a predictable existence was not the only past time I engaged in. Instead I found myself observing others. My mind was highly developed for a seven year old leading me to keep my thoughts to myself due to the fact I was extremely misunderstood. While sitting aloof on the top of my stairs covered in brown shag carpet, I witnessed contention between my beloved mother and my impertinent brother. The basis of their confrontation is still a blur to this day but the memory of their actions remains vivid in my mind today. Such profanities that were used by my brother were surprising to me. My mother defended her argument and raised her finger and raised-her-voice, nay, yelled, nay, screamed, nay, roared with a gnarling snare at my brother's face offending him to the fullest. The tempest was raging beneath my brother's brow and crimson overtook the fair color of his skin. His mannerisms predicted his next move, and caused my heart to sink into the pit of my stomach. My brother raised his palms and shoved my mother down on to a pile of hangers. Guilt and grief took over my brother's raging expression the minute her heavy body slammed on the floor and began to weep. I suddenly felt agitated with myself that was merely an observer in this violent dispute and was not there to catch my mother when she fell. I ran into the room where my brother stood stupefied from his actions. I immediately ran to my mother's aid when she began to erect herself from the pile of hangers that were disheveled under her. "Get out of my house." Where the only words my mother spoke to my brother after the incident. I escorted my mother out down the stairs to gain composer on our retro couches.

We sat in silence. My mother no longer sad but victorious that she won the battle. We could hear my brother packing his belongings from him room upstairs.

"Are you okay Mommy?" My inquire was innocent.

"I'm fine my baby." She answered as a mother ought to; With ease and contentment.

I appreciated my mother's efforts to calm my troubled mind with what I had just witnessed but I had already calmed myself. I sat in my mother's arms worried about where my brother would go. Sadness crept over me when I came to the thought that, I was too late to find true fairy tails in the world. My family is becoming broken. I wanted more than ever for the unworldly to salute me and rescue me from an life full of prediction and turmoil! I was comforted with the knowledge that proof of at least one fanciful character was real, and that Mr. Clause knew that I believed in him. But, all great ideas come to an end.

"Honey, I need to tell you something." My mother said interrupting my thoughts. I gazed up at her with a puzzled expression.

"Honey, there is no Santa Clause." She replied to my look. I was speechless.

"Who brings the presents?" It was the only question I squeezed out of my voiceless throat.

"Me and Daddy." She replied with a comforting tone picking up on my uneasiness.

"But they reindeers eat the carrots and Santa eats the milk and cookies." I argued her statement.

"No sweetie. That was me and Daddy eating them." Everything started to connect in my mind. The late night, last minute shopping trips, catching my parents wrapping presents on Christmas Eve, discovering hidden presents in closets that were later addressed from Santa Clause himself suddenly all made sense. I felt dumb and embarrassed that a developed mind such as myself skimmed over the truth a dozen times. My mother sat still observing my expressionless face. I felt a lump in my throat trying to work its way up into my eyes. I forced the tears down to mask my utter disappointment with life. I sat pondering that ignorance would have been better. My only tinge of faith for a life of excitement vanished all with one sentence performed by my mother. An act, that's all life was, was an act. Damn Liars, repeated over and over again in my mind.

"Aw honey, It's okay. I'm so sorry." My mother said with extreme comfort and apology. Her maternal voice made me sob. My tears betrayed me, streaming down my cheek profusely.

Crushed dreams and shattered faith consumed me for the entire day. I felt as though my brain was full of cement, heavy and unable to comprehend the disdain I held for my future. I longed for normality in my life and for my thinking to be cleared by a simple companion or a childish game. This memory will forever dwell in my mind and always remind me of the gift of innocents.

Glorious Day

2008-11-17T14:42:00.000-08:00

Let me take a minute to mentally illustrate my personal utopia. Firstly, the weather will be sporadically warm all year round but it will be a mainly chilly terrain. No matter where you lived, in a short 20 minutes drive you can either visit the beach, the forest, the mountains, a tropical area an any other destination you aspire to add to your small collections of memories. Also, love in the opposite sex will be difficult to find for everyone. Hopefully, this equality of love will diminish the idea that love is silly. Although love in a partner will be challenging there will always be love all around. I would also like to make my utopia scarce in the paper dollar. Instead i would promote trading posts and insist on everyone being more giving. I am aware of the personal drive in individual's success and i will never hinder someone from achieving their personal dreams in excessive wealth and extreme popularity. I would also make sorrow rare for that emotional is somewhat crippling. And i know what you're thinking, "without sorrow, there is no elation." Not in my utopia. All that is good is abundant. And abundance in happiness can occur when you have never experienced one trial. And people would not take it for granted because that is just not how my utopia works. :) Oh the colors that will surround your plain sight! I would abolish the overused grey. Pavement will be replaced by grass. Yes grass. Everywhere you step, a perfect sheet of a rich green grass will carry your weightlessness in this utopia. The waters will sparkle with pinks and purples, not form a sunset or sunrise, but its natural glow will be a surreal moment. The sky will be a deep blue and at night galaxies and undiscovered planets will be so close you could reach out and touch it. The stars will be created be lovers who want to create a symbol of love for all to see for all eternity. When the hour became afternoon and the sun began to decent from the sky, its reflection will make the world gold. For one minute of everyday, the world will glitter like a spread an uncountable amount of diamonds on everything. In that one minute of everyday, Heavenly Father will sing his children to sleep in a language only he knows but somehow we understand. Unfathomable? Yes. Obtainable? Of course.

Arggg Maties!

2008-10-13T14:27:00.001-07:00

Ello mAtties!!! I ave jus returned from the evil seaaaaaa. ARRGGG. Now me ship es covered in barnacles and i've got a bad case of scuuuuurvy. ARGGG. But the good thing is...I've found me lost treasure! But i hid it away in me blue lagoon. Fairwell maties!! ARGGGG

Lucid Dream

2008-10-13T12:54:00.000-07:00

I tend to remember my dreams very easily because they are extremely vivid resulting in confusing consciousness with unconsciousness often for a few hours upon being awake. During my sleep on October 12, I had a very clear and fluid dream that didn’t skip around and had very real aspects to it. The time plot I was unsure of but I seemed to be not much older than I am now, but non-the less I was older. I remember myself running south, toward the beach trying to find my father with the knowledge that the rest of my family members were gone, deceased or missing. The context of my dreams leaves me to believe they were dead. As I got closer and closer to the beach I realized the smell of decay and famine in the air. During my dream, I was surprised at the sensory details I was able to experience. I finally reached the ocean and I was in a familiar place. Contrary to the darkness I was still able to make out this specific scenery. Along a dark street full of destruction a row of tall, almost uniformed, homes stood two stories from the ground. The homes had almost no yards and they were strangely thin. Then the disturbing image locked in my eyes as I panicked at the horrific sight. People were burning. I heard the blood curdling screams of the burning humans trying to extinguish the fire in the ocean but their pursuit to put it out was unsuccessful. I then looked around to see a figure of supreme importance. Weather it was good or evil I am still unsure of. I approached this figure with and in a panic I ask him where my daddy was. And he pointed in the ocean of the burning people. I saw my dad, burning in the ocean and the figure told me my dad had joined the unrighteous. My dream ended with me running trying to find a familiar face.

The New Litter Box

2008-10-12T10:53:00.000-07:00

Mac and Kitty have been using the same litter box since Kitty was a little girl and we found it time to upgrade to one where Mac didn't struggle to release her excrement into the box. So we thought one with higher sides would keep her posterior in the box. But, the first time Mac used the new litter box, she didn't put her butt in the box at all....Instead she stood in the box with her butt out of it and made a bowl movement on the floor, next to the litter box, not in it. Just one more bit of evidence proving she has down syndrome.

Kitty and Mac

2008-10-09T20:24:00.000-07:00

I feel as though my post don't do my blogger name justice and the very few people who read this probably wonder who Kitty and Mac are. They are beloved kitties. Although, Kitty, it used much too loosely and they are far too ginormous to be referred to as kittens any longer. I will now present to you a proper introduction to my feline friends. Mac(short for Macintosh) is the black one. Kitty(we never gave her a name cause when we found her she was too cute) is the slightly obese orange one. Mac shows evidence that she may hold a slight case of down syndrome, while gluttony is the deadly sin Kitty can not conquer. My heart is softened for these fallible creatures.

What the Heck

2008-10-05T21:27:00.000-07:00

I should be quarantined from the world. Not from an infectious disease but from my negativity being just as contagious. Nostalgia dangles a broken past in front of me the same way I dangle delectable fish in front of my feline friends. 7078 is yellow thread weaved into my bleak gray color scheme in my life's loom. This is my redundant metaphor yet the only way I can explain my self torture effectively. I thank the world for there oblivion to this technological keeping of my inner thoughts.

Twilight

2008-10-02T22:05:00.001-07:00

I have come upon an epiphany! Since I have shown an interest in the Twilight Saga it seemed as though my very existence became consumed by the idea of falling in love with a vampire. However, not just any vampire; Edward Cullen to be more specific. There was no superlative that I could conjure up to fit a description for this Supreme Being. The more and more the story unfolded the more petulance I gained for my seemingly sane and predictable life. I developed a craving for the supernatural to salute me and rescue me from a disappointing existence. As I thought over the vampires perfect qualities in my mind over and over again a sudden epiphany struck me like a lightning bolt from heaven telling me to “snap out of it!” The author was illustrating what we would become in our after life; Extreme grace, musical voices, undying passion, immortality, perfect vision and acute hearing. This extreme change in my train of thought altered my priorities tremendously. Chagrin rushed over me as I remembered why I was put on this earth in the first place. I was so consumed by longing over the unobtainable and wallowing in self-pity of the fact I would never be such an amazing creature that I forgot that my thinking was utterly false! Stupid girl. My focus has been readjusted. I need to focus on making my earthy life the best it can be. I will become more advantageous and fulfill my duties here on earth to once again be like him; perfect.

Cousins

2008-08-13T16:35:00.000-07:00

Everyone's family is different. Different experiences, trials and tribulations shape the way families interact and react to different situations. However, in every family there is always the one who starts the "drama," or who falls away from the family unit. There is always that one who everyone seem to be drawn to, the perfect one, the over-achiever. Everyone has at least one gay family member (i know that is terribly cliche to say but come on) and there is always one person who you get along with the best who is not in your immediate family. That one person for me happens to be my cousin. She is crazy; unfortunately that one personality trait in her is a mirror image of mine. Our same disconnection to the world leaves us in a permanent loopy state of mind unable to grasp a tiny bit of sanity. I wouldn't change us for the word. :)

Marriage

2008-08-08T17:33:00.001-07:00

Marriage is a part of most people's life. Whether it last for eternity or fails to the unfortunate circumstances of each other's lives and leaves an unpleasant taste in ones mouth. Why does marriage fail? Is it because of stress? Maybe the death of a child took a toll on both parents, or financial unsuitability was to much to cope with. Either or, ending a marriage seems like the easy way out. There are situations where ending a marriage is the best thing to do, but in more cases than one i believe families are becoming lazy and nonchalant about the true meaning of relationships and family ties. These things take constant effort and maintenance. When you purchase a new car the exhilaration in owning something so radiant and new makes your heart flutter and your mind wraps around your car with a type of tunnel vision. Then time passes and you get used to having a new shinny car but an unspeakable bond develops. You grow a certain loyalty to your new car. But then the years pass and things start going wrong and instead of holding tight to something you once longed for so passionately and fixing the problem, even if it's severe, you buy a new car because its the easy thing to do. The best things in life don't come easy.

I must be a cynic

2008-08-07T18:36:00.000-07:00

I have succumb to cynicism. I believe the roots of my cynicism stems from my past around, oh let's say, 15 years ago. I was in a ballet tap dance class and i suffered from allergies. Itchy throats were not uncommon to spring up as an impulse of the moment type thing..so, when something itches the innate thing to do would be to scratch it. So i did, with my tongue; unfortunately it made a terrible noise. The ballet instructor then yelled, nay, screamed, nay cursed violently at me with blood shot eyes and gnarling fangs and growled at me commanding me to stop. Okay, that was a slight exaggeration, but she could have asked my to stop...please. So with that one seemingly unimportant event that happened in my life i became a cynic. Just a mild cynic though nothing too extreme. I would never sit in a theater yelling at the characters to learn how to act, or protest someone's creativity when i finished their novel. I simply, but secretively, am cynical towards life.